I am currently sitting in a starbucks listening to a random guy rant about his shitty life. mind you, this guy is by himself and talking to himself. everyones passing him as if there’s nothing going on. people have slowly started to move tables, and i’m the only one sitting beside him. i’ve decided to put my headphones on, listen to some music.. and rant about my life. (just not out loud.. hahaha)

since the beginning of the year, i’ve changed my mindset completely to better myself. we’re eight months into the year and i’ve been tested over and over. i keep telling myself “things will be better, just be patient..” but as my patience wears thin, i am constantly finding myself reverting back to my old ways.

im going through what i’ll call “a series of unfortunate events”. one thing after another after another has happened.. and i’ll have to say, my hearts been broken more times this year than ever. i’ve been a little fragile and i find my mind wandering to things i thought i have thrown away to make room for better, happier things. as hard as i try, things don’t just disappear. yes, the past is in the past.. but when you’ve been through serious shit.. it always comes back to haunt you. i’ve been broken one too many times and im slowly picking up the pieces. right now, i feel like my entire life will be spent trying to fix what’s been done in the past.. but this is just a phase.  give it a week to sort myself out and i’ll be fine and dandy. let’s hope there won’t be any melt-downs along the way.

on a positive note.. i have my health, which has been not SO great.. but hey, i’m alive. and i have a job and great things going for me. i’m greatful that i am sane, and i haven’t gone completely crazy. i will forever appreciate the few who have been there to help me pick up the pieces, be my personal cheerleaders and keep my heart happy.

like my mom always says, being a big girl isn’t easy..