its already november?

I’ve converted from a blackberry to an iPhone. Thanks to my new wordpress app, I can blog from anywhere..

I am currently sitting in a starbucks listening to a random guy rant about his shitty life. mind you, this guy is by himself and talking to himself. everyones passing him as if there’s nothing going on. people have slowly started to move tables, and i’m the only one sitting beside him. i’ve decided to put my headphones on, listen to some music.. and rant about my life. (just not out loud.. hahaha)

since the beginning of the year, i’ve changed my mindset completely to better myself. we’re eight months into the year and i’ve been tested over and over. i keep telling myself “things will be better, just be patient..” but as my patience wears thin, i am constantly finding myself reverting back to my old ways.

im going through what i’ll call “a series of unfortunate events”. one thing after another after another has happened.. and i’ll have to say, my hearts been broken more times this year than ever. i’ve been a little fragile and i find my mind wandering to things i thought i have thrown away to make room for better, happier things. as hard as i try, things don’t just disappear. yes, the past is in the past.. but when you’ve been through serious shit.. it always comes back to haunt you. i’ve been broken one too many times and im slowly picking up the pieces. right now, i feel like my entire life will be spent trying to fix what’s been done in the past.. but this is just a phase.  give it a week to sort myself out and i’ll be fine and dandy. let’s hope there won’t be any melt-downs along the way.

on a positive note.. i have my health, which has been not SO great.. but hey, i’m alive. and i have a job and great things going for me. i’m greatful that i am sane, and i haven’t gone completely crazy. i will forever appreciate the few who have been there to help me pick up the pieces, be my personal cheerleaders and keep my heart happy.

like my mom always says, being a big girl isn’t easy..

10 Rules for Brilliant Women

1. Make a pact. No one else is going to build the life you want for you. No one else will even be able to completely understand it. The most amazing souls will show up to cheer you on along the way, but this is your game. Make a pact to be in it with yourself for the long haul, as your own supportive friend at every step along the way.

2. Imagine it. What does a knock-the-ball-out-of-the-park life look like for you? What is the career that seems so incredible you think it’s almost criminal to have it? What is the dream you don’t allow yourself to even consider because it seems too unrealistic, frivolous, or insane? Start envisioning it. That’s the beginning of having it.

3. Gasp. Start doing things that make you gasp and get the adrenalin flowing. Ask yourself, “What’s the gasp-level action here?” Your fears and a tough inner critic will chatter in your head. That’s normal, and just fine. When you hear that repetitive, irrational, mean inner critic, name it for what it is, and remember, it’s just a fearful liar, trying to protect you from any real or seeming risks. Go for the gasps and learn how false your inner critic’s narrative really is, and how conquerable your fears. 

4. Get a thick skin. If you take risks, sometimes you’ll get a standing ovation, and sometimes, people will throw tomatoes. Can you think of any leader or innovator whom you admire who doesn’t have enthusiastic fans and harsh critics? Get used to wins and losses, praise and pans, getting a call back and being ignored. Work on letting go of needing to be liked and needing to be universally known as “a nice person.”

5. Be an arrogant idiot. Of course I know you won’t, because you never could. But please, just be a little more of an arrogant idiot. You know those guys around the office who share their opinions without thinking, who rally everyone around their big, (often unformed) ideas? Be more like them. Even if just a bit. You can afford to move a few inches in that direction.

6. Question the voice that says “I’m not ready yet.” I know, I know. Because you are so brilliant and have such high standards, you see every way that you could be more qualified. You notice every part of your idea that is not perfected yet. While you are waiting to be ready, gathering more experience, sitting on your ideas, our friends referenced in rule five are being anointed industry visionaries, getting raises, and seeing their ideas come to life in the world. They are no more ready than you, and perhaps less. Jump in the sandbox now, and start playing full out. Find out just how ready you are.

7. Don’t wait for your Oscar. Don’t wait to be praised, anointed, or validated. Don’t wait for someone to give you permission to lead. Don’t wait for someone to invite you to share your voice. No one is going to discover you. (Well, actually, they will, but paradoxically, only after you’ve started boldly and consistently stepping into leadership, sharing your voice, and doing things that scare the hell out of you.)

8. Filter advice. Most brilliant women are humble and open to guidance. We want to gather feedback and advice. Fine, but recognize that some people won’t understand what you are up to (often because you are saying something new and ahead of your time). Some people will find you to be not their cup of tea. Some will feel threatened. Some people will want to do with your idea only what is interesting or helpful to them. So interpret feedback carefully. Test advice and evaluate the results, rather than following it wholesale.

9. Recover and restore. If you start doing the things that make you gasp, doing what you don’t quite feel ready to do, and being more of an arrogant idiot, you are going to be stretching out of our comfort zone–a lot. Regularly do things that feel safe, cozy, and restorative. Vent to friends when you need to. Acknowledge the steps you’ve taken. Watch your tank to see how much risk-taking juice you have available to you. When it’s running low, stop, recover and restore.

10. Let other women know they are brilliant. Let them know what kind of brilliance you see, and why it’s so special. Call them into greater leadership and action. Let them know that they are ready. Watch out for that subtle, probably unconscious thought, “because I had to struggle and suffer on my way up…they should have to too.” Watch out for thinking this will “take” too much time – when the truth is it always has huge, often unexpected returns.

Clear a path by walking it, boldly.

(via youmehimandher.com)

I’m trying to live right and give you whatever’s left of me. cause you know life is what we make it and a chance is like a picture, it’d be nice if you just take it. Or let me take it for ya. I’m just down to ride or we can roll around the city until we finally decide.

you’re always on my mind

word.

“when you see an opportunity at being great and being happy, you don’t pass it up. you take the risk to stick around ‘til you see the end of it; whether the end is a good thing or a bad thing. at least you will know you didn’t let it pass you by.”

Marvin King (via marvinking.tumblr.com)